I’m beginning to make sense of all the senselessness that has occurred in my life and why I am the way I am. Orthodoxy addressees a lot of my depravity and illness, but it isn’t only a mirror of reflection or a means of probing one’s heart, it is the path of healing, the way to Life.
Orthodoxy is beginning to help me translate the hell of my own life as I begin to wrestle even more with my Sarx (flesh), the Old Man. Orthodoxy is helping me come to terms with the abuse I have suffered, but shows me the way to forgiveness. It does not do away with those things, but in Orthodoxy they are fulfilled. By that I mean that they were for my sanctification and livelihood not just some random event of the cosmos. It encompasses all these things and for me is beginning to help me make sense of them and come to terms better. Christ takes all of it into Himself on the Cross in a very real way.
It has showed me how dead I still am, or can be, but that Christ reaches down into Hades, my own personal Hades even, and grants me the blessed hand that defeats death, pain, sin, abuse, and all that is wrong with the world and pulls me up out of the Pit thus defeating it entirely. He sits me upon the rock, which for me is His Church, Orthodoxy, and shows me the way to truly live again. It has shown me that being right is not as important as being righteous. It has shown me that being humble is more important than being heard.
It is in this coming alive that there is tension and there is struggle, but in the end it is worth more than anything you can own to be truly human again and to live and relate. This is what Orthodoxy is showing me. This is the journey She’s began with me as She brings me to participation in the Holy Mysteries of our Lord, which are tangible means of grace that bring about this transformation and participation in the Kingdom of God. The Mysteries are indeed for the healing of my soul and body.
Orthodox is what is real. It communions with Reality, the Numinous, the Mystery, the One. He is what is Real. To be in communion with Him, to have relationship with Him, is to move closer to that which is real, to exist. In Orthodoxy, I have found my existence.
Above all, it has taught me, or is at least beginning to teach me, how to be Eucharistic in all of life and to offer unto God what He has gifted us. These are the ruminations that Orthodoxy has taught me so far.